First Date - A Few Thoughts!

David Kanegis
3 min readNov 5, 2014


THIS LOOKS LIKE A GOOD FIRST DATE! Photo by DocuSign on Unsplash

Before you embark on a first date you might consider the following.

Lots of strategies can be employed before arranging that first meet. Some of the most important include: identifying what you want out of a relationship — what you are seeking in a companion, their values, conversational ability, personality, sense of humor and the traits that most turn you on.

However, life doesn’t always conform to a set pattern. In no way can you arrange and plan everything to meet your specifications.

Honoring yourself first is the most important precursor to a healthy relationship.

A few things to think about before you put your feet in the water.

Decide you are going to enjoy yourself no matter what. It tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Let’s assume the date is decent... a word that leaves lots of room for interpretation:)

Nothing is ever perfect — well rarely. My best friend met her husband at a ‘singles’ volley ball game and they’ve been married for 25 years. I met her the same evening as well. We didn’t date but became best friends. You never know how life will turn out.

Now The Dos — Just Examples — Use What Works Best For You

Do smile a lot. Maintaining a pleasant demeanor feels good. You have nothing to lose if the date’s not great and lots to gain if you see potential. People respond well to a friendly face.

Do remember the adage of turning a sow’s ear into a silk purse. Nnot having a great time… see if you can find one positive thing about your partner.

Security is nice! Do have a friend call you twenty minutes into the date. If it’s really abominable you can explain you’ve been called away. A little white lie isn’t the worse thing in the world. But do give the date a chance!

By now you might have picked up a theme of the power of positive thinking. It can make such a difference in your dating experiences. While it won’t make the intolerable palatable it will set the stage for you to flourish and unconsciously show and experience your best side.

Now the Don’ts — Also Just Examples — Use What Resonates!

Don’t ask a lot of personal questions. They tend to put people on the defensive. Show interest without being too inquisitive. “I’m glad we picked this place to meet I really enjoy the atmosphere.” You might follow-up with, “What’s your favorite dish?” Keep it simple. More meaningful dialogue will develop naturally.

Don’t bring up your last companion and definitely do not complain about them.

In a perfect world, you, I and everyone else would love to meet that person with whom we can march off whispering “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

When it comes to dating no one has all the answers. One thing is certain, there’s no effective way to push the envelope and create a fantastic and fulfilling relationship when the magic isn’t there.

Too many destructive relationships have been founded on one of the partners believing they could change the other person.

You can set the stage, do all the correct things and if the timing’s right, the stars are aligned and you’re lucky you may just meet the person of your dreams.

The bottom line is to be true to yourself. As much as you might like to find a long lasting relationship, don’t take the date too seriously.

Enjoy the process — even when it isn’t all that you might like it to be. The more you are out there, the greater comfort and ease you’ll feel on the next date.

I wish you success and happiness in your search and remember — it’s simply a date!

This article has been edited slightly since its original publication on The Huffington Post.



David Kanegis

Certified Professional Coach, creator Mind Acrobatics™ visualization exercises, founder,